Why Weight?

This world tells us that we need to look a certain way.  Like we all need to fit into the same type of mold.  Tall, skinny, pretty.  Who decided that anyway?  I am surrounded with negative comments about appearance every day.  The comments might not be about me, but they still hurt every time I hear them.  Because I am a woman.  And because it makes me wonder, "Well, if thats wrong with her, then whats wrong with me?".  It seems that no matter how perfect a person may seem, someone will find something wrong with them.  "They need to get their teeth fixed", "They need to lose about 10 pounds", "She needs to get that mole removed", "She looks like a man", "Look how big her tummy is".  Do these comments make you feel good?!  Not me!  They hurt me, and make me hurt for my fellow sisters.

And why is it that when someone compliments you on how you look, they have to add, "have you lost weight?"  Does this mean that to look pretty I have to get skinnier?  Maybe not, but it seems to be the first thing anyone notices or cares about.

 God has created each one of us to look different.  We are not made from the same mold, so why are we all trying to fit into the same one?  Why do we look at someone and criticize their appearance?  Who are we to say these things?

Some of us have wide hips, some of us have big feet, some of us have huge ankles, some of us have larger noses, some of us are covered in freckles, some of us are abnormally short, some of us have weird hair lines, and yes, some of us are bigger than others.  So who cares?!  Thats the way God made us!  If you criticize someone because of their appearance, well then you are criticizing God's work of art.  Does it really make us feel better to do that?  To insult the Creators work?

I want to be different.  I want to be set apart.  I don't want to be scared of a number on the scale.  I see the way my body is made, and I see that it is different from every other person.  But that is not a reason to hide, it is a reason to rejoice.  I am beautiful.  I have cellulite...so what?!  I have curves...I am gonna own those curves!  I don't want to be ashamed of how God made me just because I am told that I don't fit a certain mold.  Most of all, I don't want to raise my daughter to believe she needs to look a certain way.  I want to teach her to love herself, and love others, and accept that everyone is different.  That is the way it should be.

Don't be concerned about the outward beauty of fancy hairstyles, expensive jewelry, or beautiful clothes.  You should clothe yourselves instead with the beauty that comes from within, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is so precious to God.
1 Peter 3:3-4

Our beauty will one day fade, and all the plastic surgery in the world will not be able to "fix" us.  We need to clothe ourselves with God's love, and His beauty, which is not seen on our outward appearance. It is seen in our heart.

DIY art project

I have been wanting to update our living room for a while now, but I wasn't sure what to do.  One of the main things I was wanting to do was get some new art work for above the couch.  I had a few ideas in my head but I was too picky and couldn't find anything that I loved.  One day we were shopping at Flatirons mall, and we walked into this really fancy store, and I saw exactly what I wanted.  It was like 3 wooden canvases with bird and branch silhouettes.  It was perfect!!!...but it was $600!  That was a little out of my price range...actually a lot.  So Johnny and I decided that we could make it ourselves.  So as I distracted the store lady, Johnny pulled out his phone and took a pic of the art (which I'm sure is not allowed in a fancy store like that!)  Here is the pic of the art from the store.

So off we went to Home Depot to get the supplies for our new project.  Here are the step by step instructions on how to make a beautiful, wooden canvas art project!

Step 1- Take your crippled husband to Home Depot to pick up some wood! Hehe :)  

You need: 

-rectangle piece of plywood, and get a Home Depot person to cut it into thirds for you

-3 1x2 pieces of wood (the long ones on Johnny's shoulder in the second pic)

-wood glue

-wood stain (whichever color you prefer)

-nails

-picture hangers

-black paint

-little paintbrushes

-wipe on poly

-sand paper 

Step 2- Measure out your 1x2's so that they act like a frame for the back of your plywood pieces. Cut 'em up.

Step 4- Check on your kid and make sure she's out of the way! If you have a kid, that is.

Step 5- Glue the frame pieces to the back of your plywood pieces and then nail them down.  (Make sure your plywood pieces fit together like a puzzle with the grain of the wood and everything.)

Frames are on!

Step 6- Sand those babies down!  You want them to be smooth and pretty.

Step 7- If you have more than one option for stains, try them out on the back of one of your canvases.  We chose the lighter one of the two because then the bird silhouettes would show up better.

Step 7- Wipe on the stain with an old cloth.  We did two coats just to get a richer color. Let it dry!

Step 8- Once its dry, use a pencil to draw your design.  I used the bird design, but we also saw some other cool designs like a world map, and a tree.  The options are endless!

Step 9- Start painting those birdies!  This was my favorite part.  Then, let it dry.

Step 10- Now comes the fun part...NOT!  Once the black paint is dry, use some ultra fine grit sand paper and go over each canvas very lightly, just smoothing some of the little bumps.  Once thats done, wipe on some poly with a cloth.  Let it dry.

Now treat this step like lasagna...keep layering it on!  I think we probably did around 8 coats total.

Step 11- Hang those beauties up!  It might be a little challenging, because in our case the Home Depot guy didn't cut each piece exactly the same size...so it just takes a little extra measuring, but no big deal. Its worth it, look at that art! Woo!

Our backyard in progress...

So this is our backyard.  This is what we had to look at every time we went outside.  Our backyard isn't in the best shape.  The people who owned our house before us tried to "flip" it.  They did a great job inside, but they took every short cut imaginable outside.  Our grass is all weeds, our trees have all died because they weren't planted right, we have big random patches of mulch, and we have to look at our neighbors crap every day.

Our back neighbors confessed to us that they are craigslist junkies.  Not the kind who find good deals on stuff...they are the kind that find free crap and put it in their backyard.  They have a home made shed, a free hot tub, an above ground pool, a free deck for the above ground pool, a trampoline, and lots lots more.  And it just keeps piling up!

This year we decided to finally build a fence in the back of our yard so can get a little privacy and so that we don't have to look at the neighbors white trash back yard anymore!  Actually, our neighbor, John, confessed that he once saw me in my underwear letting the dog out one day.  Ahhhh!!!!!!

So here are some pics of the process of building our new fence!

I was the expert at keeping the posts level :)  But just so you know, Johnny dug those holes.  Actually, a machine dug those holes, but Johnny watched it dig. Hehe

Once again, me keeping things level.

I tell ya, it feels good to use a drill!  

Pops showing me how its done.

Here's the fence building team.  I am pretty proud of us!  We worked through some crazy heat!

And slowly the neighbors trash is covered up by our beautiful fence :)

Cooling off

At one point we noticed that the fence kept getting higher and higher, so we took out the level and realized that we made a mistake!  So we took a bunch of boards off and started over and everything worked out.

Johnny got to come and get his hands dirty too.

Then Johnny took my wonderful drill away and I had to stand and watch. Boo!

And here goes the last board!  

I really wasn't expecting to be able to do as much as I did on this fence.  I thought that Johnny and my dad would take over, but Johnny ended up having to work most of the time, and with two bad hips there was only so much he could do.  So I got to help build my fence with my dad, and it was so much fun.  I realized after that I really like doing this kind of work!  I like being a handyman!..well, handy-woman.  Not to mention I got to hang out with my dad the whole time.  What an accomplishment to get to say that I built my own fence with my dad!

So here is the finished product.

(don't look at our brown grass)

Now our next project...you may have noticed in the first picture, we have forms set up right behind our house to pour cement for our new patio!  Our neighbor said that if we built the fence, he would pour concrete and make us a new, big patio...for free!  Well, below is what he's done so far.  He's taking his time thats for sure.  But its ok!  We have a little patch to enjoy!

Stay tuned for more backyard progress!

The Paxton Project

Hey readers.  I have something heavy on my heart tonight and I need to share.  I need you to read, and I pray that it weighs heavy on your heart too.

I want to share with you about a couple I know from Orlando, FL.  Their names are Andy and Rachel Miller and they are missionaries with Youth With A Mission.  This is a very special couple, and let me tell you why.  They have chosen to adopt children from countries where children are sold to prostitution, they are orphaned and are used to make money.  They have a 5 year old son named Tysen from Seoul Korea, and are now in the process of raising money to adopt a precious little girl from South Korea named Paxton.  Let me share their reason behind wanting to adopt, that was written by Rachel:

behind the cause... 

when i was 18, i had the privilage of going on a 2 month outreach to India w/ Youth With A Mission. I had no idea the impact it would have on my life. The thing I remember the most is the 30 hour train ride. This was NOT Amtrak. It was hot. It smelled. And there were eunuchs sitting across from me the whole trip. It was a little exciting and yet a little scary all at the same time. At one of the stops, a little boy came crawling through the train begging fro money. He was missing limbs off of his body. It was terrible and it was the first time I had ever seen anything like that. I tried to give the little boy some food, but he resisted. Later our host told us that there are people, sort of like pimps, who take in orphaned children and cut off the limbs so that when they send them out to beg, people will feel sorry for them and will then give them money. The child will in return, take all the money back to their "pimp." I had never heard anything so sick. I knew that I wanted to adopt kids from that moment on. I can not stand the fact of children growing up on the streets being sold into the sex trafficking industry, among many other horrible things. Our heart for adoption is huge. I have been asked many time, "Can you not have your own children?" My answer is, "I don't know." I went through a miscarriage in the Fall of 2010. It was sad and my heart still aches when I think about it. If I were to get pregnant, of course I would be excited. But none the less, it would not change my heart for adoption. There is something inside of me that knows this is bigger than me. I know God is with me and that he will provide. I hope to someday help others to adopt; to give; to be A VOICE on behalf of kids are are screaming, but are not being heard. This my friends excites me. And this is why I choose to adopt.  

I have been following Rachel's blog, and you should too! It's thepaxtonproject.com, and I hope that you take a minute to check it out.  They post updates on the process of adopting Paxton, and also on how much money is still needed.  It is super easy to give too!  There is a "donate" button you can click, and is super easy to use if you have PayPal or a credit card.  Any little amount would make a difference.  If you think about how many people are on facebook, and how easy it would be for every one of those people to share the link, and give even just $5, it could add up to a lot.  It doesn't take much to help these guys out.

My prayer is that God will provide the funds to bring Paxton home from South Korea.  I pray that this touches many hearts, and that many will be called to give to this family.

If you follow this link, there is a video from 5 years ago of Tysen's arrival into the U.S.  It is absolutely precious and is totally worth watching!

http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=10150310305877938

P.S. If you have a minute, please check out their pictures on their blog.  They bring me to tears every time :)

Anyways, thanks for reading.  I hope this touches your heart, and I hope you keep this family in your prayers.  They are seeking direction from the Lord and praying for a miracle.  I hope that you feel called to give what you can...we can do this together!!!!!

Sara's birthday party...or not

Yesterday was such a special day in so many more ways than I would have thought.

We started out the day going to the doctor.  Sara was coughing so bad and we had never seen her so sick before.  She had a hard time breathing the night before.  The doc said she had croup.  So off we went, to Walgreens to get all her medicine.  We had been taking turns standing with her in our steamed up bathroom so ease her cough.  We elevated her mattress so that she could breathe better at night.  And now we were getting ready to celebrate her first birthday...poor thing!  We decided to still have the party, and just make it through and have a good time, despite the circumstances.  The weather was supposed to be crumby too.  Truth is, we wanted to get through the party so that we could move on and focus on Johnny's granddad, who was in hospice getting ready to go "home".

Well after spending a few days getting ready, and just an hour and a half before the party, we heard that granddad had passed away.  This moment was filled with so many emotions.  Of sadness, because we are going to miss his presence here with us.  His never-ending stories (I think thats where Johnny gets it from:), and how he connects each one of them with, "Well, at any rate...".  I was going to miss having the privilege of talking to him about faith stuff.  If ever I had questions or a really cool God story, granddad was the one I would talk to about it.

Another emotion I experienced, which might sound crazy to those who don't know the Lord, was excitement and joy.  I almost felt giddy!  Granddad had lived his life for Jesus, and made sure to show it. He loved our Lord, and spread this love EVERYWHERE!  He would talk to perfect strangers about this love.  What an example for all of us.  It now it was so cool to see that he was in the arms of Jesus, the one who he had been serving for so many years.  What an awesome, amazing thought!!!  This was what he lived his life for!

So anyway, after getting to see some of the family, and giving some much needed hugs, we decided to have Sara's party anyway so that everyone could be together in this special time.  And what a special time it was!  We got to be together, and we got to celebrate three things: Mike's birthday, Sara's first birthday, and granddad's birthday too.  Granddad's birthday was a lot more special though, because he got to celebrate in the presence of the Lord.  He got to see Jesus' face!!!!!  Ah!!!

So we learned something yesterday.  That there are two things in life that you can't plan for...life, and death.  But you gotta have a party either way, and celebrate what the Lord has done in either case.

Sara was miserable throughout the night, we have never seen her so sick ever.  But she made it through, and so did everyone else.  We had some great family time, and there was joy in the air.  I am so thankful for the birth of our daughter, and I am so thankful to have known granddad.  Mike is pretty special too:)

So we are always confident, even though we know that as long as we live in these bodies we are not at home with the Lord.  For we live by believing and not by seeing.  Yes, we are fully confident, and we would rather be away from these earthly bodies, for then we will be at home with the Lord.
2 Corinthians 5:6-7

A year ago today...

A year ago today I was huge.  I was waddling all over the place, I was eating my weight in food (not really, but it felt like it), I couldn't sleep because of the pain I was in, and I was waiting, waiting waiting.
I remember that I wanted to get out, so Carrie took me out shopping.  We shopped for make-up, groceries, dog food, and of course candy (that was my idea :).  Little did I know what was going to happen later that night....
Earlier that week, Johnny came up with a bunch of things that he wanted to do in order to make me go into labor.  I thought he was nuts...but in the end, it worked!  Sara's due date was May 29th, which I thought was wrong and didn't make sense.  Boy was I right!
Well anyway, on Monday Johnny and I went for a walk.  We walked to the park where he pushed me on the swing (even though I didn't want to because I thought because of my weight I would snap the chains).    Then later that evening, Johnny took me out to HuHot, the mongolian BBQ, and I made my meal extra spicy.  We had to stop by Dairy Queen after, because thats what I was "craving".  (truth is, I didn't really crave anything, I just thought of something I wanted really bad and pretended it was a craving:)  Vanilla cherry dipped cone is what I always had.
Tuesday I hung around the house all day, laying on my left side to increase blood flow.  My feet were so swollen they looked like giant marshmallows with toes.  Sausage toes.  I even had to buy purple crocs one size too big, because even my flip flops wouldn't slide onto my feet.  I cooked chili for dinner, and made sure to add lots of cayenne pepper.  We watched LOST while we ate dinner.  And most nights usually ended with me taking two tylenol and laying in the tub for a while to ease my hip pain before snuggling up in bed with my many pillows.
Wednesday was a big day and I didn't even know it.  I was at the point where it felt like this baby was never going to come.  I knew for sure it would, but it felt like it would take forever.  And knowing my luck, I thought for sure it would be like 3 weeks late!
Well today is the day that Carrie and I spent together all over Fort Collins and Loveland.  I pretty much just followed (and by follow, I mean waddle like a penguin) Carrie wherever she needed to go.  We made some stops that were requested by me, like to buy candy and Bath and Body Works.  It was a really fun day, and I really needed to get out.
Well Johnny and I went to bed probably around 10-ish that night.  I had already taken my tylenol and bath, and was fast asleep when suddenly I woke up around 11:45 p.m.  I ran to the bathroom and sat on the can while trying to wake Johnny up.  Finally he woke up, I told him what was going on, and he told me to call the doc.  I was in denial, and even though I couldn't leave the toilet, I somehow still thought that my water hadn't broken.  So I called, and the nice telephone nurse lady told me that we needed to come to the hospital to check things out.  I didn't pack a bag, and even if I did, I wouldn't have brought it because I thought "for sure this can't be it!"  It was 2 weeks before our little baby's due date!
So we got in the car and made our way to the hospital.  After a few tests and a nurse checked me, she confirmed that my water had broken and I was in labor!  It was definitely not what I expected because I wasn't in any pain, and of course I was still in denial.  And I couldn't believe that in a few short hours I would get to meet this new love of my life that I had been waiting so long for!
They put me in a hospital gown, and gave me this giant pad to wear (which I thought was one of the most hilarious things I had ever seen...plus my friend Trish had already told me about them), and I got to lay down in my own room in a comfy bed.  I had a tv on the wall with my name on it, literally, and nurses waiting on me hand and foot!  Well I was still feeling pretty good at this point, and my contractions hadn't started, so I was told to try and get some sleep, and if nothing was moving along by 6 a.m. they would get things started.
So Johnny and I slept till about 5:45 in the morning when a nurse came in to see how I was doing.  Still nothing...no contractions or anything.  So far this was the easiest labor ever!  Well the nurse got me hooked up on an IV and started me on petosin.  Petosin is what makes your contractions start...and boy did they ever start!!!  But before they did start, I had plenty of time to lay there and watch tv, and I even had a few visitors.  Carrie and Mike, Grandma and Grandpa came to hang out with me while I waited for my medicine to kick in.  Around 10-ish is when I really started to feel my contractions.  They were coming stronger and stronger.  It got to the point where I had to ask everyone (except Johnny) to leave the room, because the truth is, I couldn't stand hearing anybody talking anymore!  Haha!  I sat on an exercise ball for about 3 minutes before someone asked if I wanted to consider and epidural.  Well, I didn't have a birth plan...I wasn't going to try to be super-woman...so I thought it might be nice to have one.  But before I agreed to get one, I first asked the nurse, " When do normal people get an epidural? Am I being a wuss?  Because I can wait a little longer.  I'll wait if I need to.  I don't want to be like those ladies that can't handle pain...cuz I can handle pain!"  She smiled and told me that everyone gets them at different times, and assured me that I wasn't being a wuss.  So they sat me up, stuck what I assume was a very long, thick needle in my back, and within no time I was feeling goooooood!  I laid back down and even slept for a little while.  This was around 11 a.m.
After sleeping for a little while, I woke up and had a little bit of pain.  To tell you the truth, it felt like my body was trying to pee out a big bowling ball.  I told the nurse and she told me it was time to push.  Yikes!!! This was it!!!  This was the part of 'A Baby Story' where I would change the channel.  This is the part I couldn't stand to see...or hear.  But now it was my turn, and there was no turning back!  So I pushed with all my might for 30 minutes, and out popped our precious little girl.  A GIRL!  The moment I first saw her I burst into tears.  This was my little girl.  I looked over at Johnny, waiting for him to announce that we had a girl...but he just stood there stunned.  Like a deer caught in the headlights.  Later on he told me that he was just trying not to pass out after witnessing what had just happened.  Haha!!!
I remember my girls first cry.  I remember them placing her on my chest so I could hold her close and examine all her little details.  Her little fingers were all there, her face was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen, and she belonged to me.  Secretly I had been hoping for a girl, and here she was!  Her name had been picked out since I was a little girl.  Little Sara.  My precious little Sara.  She is named after my great aunt Sara.  What a precious and amazing lady she was.  My heart was overflowing with love at this moment, but at the same time it hurt just a little bit.  I was holding my new little Sara, wishing so bad that my great aunt was there to see her.  I was overwhelmed with emotions.
I am so proud to have a daughter who is named after someone who was so dear to me.  My tante Sara meant the world to me, and even after she is gone, her life still blesses me every day.  The time that we spent together is so precious to me, and those memories will last forever.  She was such an amazing woman of God, and I look forward to teaching my little Sara the way my great aunt taught me.  Its just amazing the way God works.
So now I'm sitting here with tears in my eyes.  But they are joyful tears!  I am so blessed to have my little Sara, and I am so blessed to have known tante Sara.  Her name is now being carried on by the most beautiful, sweet, cute, precious, funny, smart and amazing little girl I have ever known.  I pray every day that she will love Jesus, serve Jesus, and be the most amazing woman of God.  Now we are celebrating Sara's first year.  This has been the most fun, confusing, joyful, overwhelming, amazing year of my life.  I have learned so much about my baby, about God, about life, about Johnny, and about myself.
Thank you Jesus for every moment of this past year.  You are amazing, Your love and your blessings are overwhelming, and through Sara You have showed me how beautiful life is.

Summer Projects

So some of you may have seen on my facebook that I have attempted to update our little, ugly, blue bathroom.  I haven't touched that room since we moved in because its tucked away at the back of the house, off of our bedroom where no one can see it.  Well, it got to the point where I didn't like looking at it, and I was feeling very creative.  And I don't know about you, but I want my house to be something thats fun to look at!
I didn't know what would go with our ugly powder blue sink and toilet, so I googled "what color do you paint a bathroom with a blue sink and toilet?", and I came across this amazing blog that I have been addicted reading ever since.  Younghouselove.com.  This blog is about a couple who live in an older house, and blog about all the updates and re-do's they are doing in it.  There are so many cute ideas!  From recovering an old lamp, to completely gutting and re-doing a kitchen.  I am so totally inspired by this blog.
Up until now I wasn't totally sure about what "style" I am...but I think I've nailed it down...wanna hear?  I decided that I am (and want my house to look) like retro/vintage colorful.  That might sound kinda nuts-o, but it makes sense in this crazy head of mine.
Now the only problem with my new inspiration and motivation, is that my mind is totally spinning because I want everything done NOW.  I have so many things that I want to do, and its not easy to get these projects done while chasing after an almost 1 year old!  I just have to keep reminding myself to take things one step at a time.
I decided that I wanted to blog about my projects that I have planned for this summer, and post 'before' and 'after' pictures.  I was inspired by another fellow blogger, so hopefully...maybe, my blog can inspire someone else!
But before move on, I feel it is necessary to tell you about the progress of my bathroom.  It is not something I'm proud of, so please don't judge me.  Well, first off I thought it would be nice to have a fun, bright color in there.  Something that would compliment our hideous toilet and sink.  I thought, "Maybe a pretty peachy-orangey color, like the inside of a cantaloupe!"  So I went to the store, picked a swatch that I thought looked like the color I was envisioning, and got it mixed up.  I started to paint it on the bathroom walls and realized that it looked like a freakin' school bus!  Ew!  Then without me knowing it, Johnny took the paint back and got it tinted a little orange-y-er.  I thought it looked pretty neat.  So I started the process over again....and this time I actually covered all the walls...where as the first time I only did a few strokes.  After it was done I realized that I made a big mistake.  It was AWFUL!!!!!  If I stood in the hallway and looked into our bedroom, I could see the bathroom walls glowing. Ew! Ew! Ew!  Now my bathroom looked like the Denver Broncos colors!  So after leaving it like this overnight (and not being able to sleep because of it), I decided (with the help of some facebook friends) to go with a crisp, clean white for the ceiling, walls and baseboards.  Man, I have never liked white walls this much before.  I have a plan of how I want it to look, and I have some retro fabric for the window curtains coming to me in the mail soon...and I'm super excited about how its going to look!  I will definitely post before and after pics.
So anyways, I realize that I have talked about this probably more than any of you care to read...I know Johnny doesn't care to hear about it anymore... :)  It sure helps to clear my head though!  I will keep you posted on the progress of the blue bathroom, and on all my future projects! Yahoo!